Thursday, December 14, 2006

The top 10 most ridiculous products for babies

When I first became a dad, I was totally ready. We had purchased all sorts of great things for Mr. Baby, like bottle warmers and night lights and safety and security thingamabobs. Then the baby came, and we learned pretty quickly most of that crap was useless. The expensive stroller turned out to be too cumbersome and a royal pain in the butt, and after baby could sit, that $12.95 umbrella stroller was his main transport. All those bottle accessories were useless. With the exception of the swing, pretty much everything that cost more than $25 was a waste of money.



But as parents, we have this overwhelming urge to protect our babies, to do what's right. And that's why we're such an easy market. As a result, there are tons of products out there that're just stupid, but we buy them anyway.

Here is a list of the top ten most ridiculous baby products out there right now.

10) Items that make your baby look like a moron:


Like the Baby Toupee.


Laugh it up, bitch.

This is mostly a joke, but it's a real product for real babies. It has no purpose other than for you to put it on and then laugh at how stupid your baby looks. Yeah.

It's not like they care, them being babies and all.

Only slightly better is the redneck pacifier:



Oh yes, it's a real binky. I laugh my ass off every time I see one of these. But the poor baby never looks amused.

9) Ridiculous Cribs

This is another one designed more for the parents than the baby. This wrought iron monstrosity costs more than $2,000:



I guess if parents really want to spend a brazillian dollars on the baby's nursery, it's their prerogative. But come on. The kid ain't the emperor of Japan. And as a practicality, once the baby starts moving around, those bumpers are going to get tugged on and ripped off, and the slates of the crib are going to get slobbered all over. Most cribs are wood and have a plastic coating, designed to be chewed on. This is more like a mini jail cell, with genuine iron bars.

If you're going to insist on putting your baby in this, item number 3 on this list is also recommended.

Speaking of cribs, while searching around tonight I saw this thing. I bet it's probably really comfortable for the baby, but man is it creepy. If the baby spends too much time in this thing he'll probably end up on late-night radio in 30 years talking about his repressed memories of being abducted by aliens:



That's the Moffii cradle, aka the Alien Overlord Doom Pod.

8) Feeding products designed to give dad the "experience" of breastfeeding.


There are many bottle slings and whatnots out there, designed to be put over the shoulder and hung right at the general nipple area in order to simulate breastfeeding.

No.

It's weird. Don't do it. There's nothing wrong with a dad spending as much time as possible caring for and feeding the baby, but this is over the top. I can guarantee you if your baby finds out once he's grown up, he'll never want to look at you again.

(And if you really want to be freaked out, read this article about men who really produce milk.)

7) The Leash.


She kept jumping the fence, so a leash was the next step. We don't want to have to spay her.

Once you've sufficiently humiliated your baby by putting the toupee on, it's possible she may still have some self respect once she starts walking. Obviously you need to take her out into public and treat her like dog.

I have to admit I've seen plenty of toddlers out there who probably could use a leash. And you have to applaud parents who have proper control of their kids out in public. Plus it really can be a dangerous world out there.

But a leash? I can't be the only one who sees these and wonders what else the parents do to these poor kids. What's the trade off here? A little bit of safety in exchange for an adulthood trolling Craigslist for a dominatrix that looks just like mum? I think not.



6) The Stepford Baby Subliminal Programming CDs

There are tons of these on Amazon and Ebay. You play these CDs while baby sleeps, and she's bombarded with subliminal messages that'll help her grow up to be a genius.

I'm not a scientist. I don't know if subliminal advertising and programming works or not.


So let's assume just for a second that it does indeed work. Are you really that competitive that you are willing to mess with your baby's head just so she'll be motivated later in life to be a lawyer or an accountant, instead of a beatnik?

Do you know how sick and weird that is?

5) The Tummy Tub
It's a bathing system for your baby.



Here's the official website. Maybe it's just me, but sticking a baby in a bucket and then holding him by his head so he doesn't sink and drown doesn't exactly seem like the best method of giving him a proper bath.

4) Mommy's little sucker

A vacuum cleaner both mom and baby (well, toddler) can enjoy. This is a real vacuum that doubles as a toy a kid can ride. It's very neat looking.



When I first saw this, I thought it was awesome. But I keep getting these nagging little thoughts about it in practice, and I remember my mom. She likes the canister vacuum system. She always has. My dad used to have to buy her a new one every year because she would inevitably turn the corner and not look at where the canister part was, and it would plummet down the stairs to the first floor. Once it even caught on fire. Now imagine a screaming, deafened kid perched on back.

Besides, my three-year-old is terrified of the vacuum. It turns on, and she shrieks and jumps on the couch. I don't think the toy part of this would make it better. In fact, it'd probably make her paranoid of all her other toys.

3) The ThudGuard

It's a hardhat for your little klutz.



While there are babies out there with genuine medical conditions that require protective gear, this is marketed toward the average baby. Better safe than sorry! Keep a hardhat on your baby at all times, and she'll never get hurt!

This is just as humiliating as the leash. We all want to keep our babies safe. But if you're going to do something like this, you might as well wrap them in bubble wrap and keep them in a padded room until they're 18. Sure, accidents happen. But there's a difference between an ounce of prevention and a pound of it.

2) The Baby Keeper.

It's a baby carrier you hang over a public restroom stall while you go.



While I guess something like this is needed from time to time, I suspect rubbing a baby across the wall of a public bathroom might not be the most sanitary solution.

1) The Zaky Pillow: aka The Bed Wetter.

Look at this thing. I challenge you to look at this and a not be completely freaked out:


Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Maybe if I close my eyes, it can't get me... Oh God it's still there.

Disembodied zombie hands to hold the baby in place.

I don't care how well they say this works. It's the creepiest baby product I have ever seen, and it deserves its place as #1 on this list.

So tell me, what did I miss?

230 comments:

  1. I had a baby leash!!! My mother insisted it was essential to keep me from running off and "exploring" on my own.

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  2. I could've used that helmet a few times when I was a baby.

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  3. Yeah, I've been known to use the leash a time or two.... but that's ok - living in Miami is a little different than other places :D The rest of it...... *shudder*

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  4. bottleslingguy12/14/2006 7:39 AM

    Funny article. I loved the pacifier. My kids never used one, but if they did I would've used that one.

    I take exception to your criticism of bottle slings. As long as it is meant as a way to ensure bonding time between child and parent, what makes it "weird"? Some masculinity issues have we?

    www.bottleslingguy.com

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  5. Ah ha ha Matt, some man with breast envy called you a sissy!!!

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  6. That last one made me crap my pants.

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  7. Laughed so hard I cried!

    --Mama of four

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  8. I want that cradle for myself. I keep falling out of bed.

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  9. I would say that you missed this one:

    Cashmere diaper cover Because nothing says "luxury" like cashmere covered with poop.

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  10. My mum had reins for me and my brother but she didn't use them much for me. For Jamie they were a must, he was undiagnosed with ADHD until he was 14 and constantly hurt himself by accident as a toddler so they were essential. He didn't mind them, in fact he used to lean forward and bounce along the road like Skippy whilst my dad held on to him.

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  11. i read that article linked at the bottom of 8 on the list and i threw up in my mouth.

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  12. I can't argue with most of your list, but you forgot the "Pacifeeder"...the creepy hose connected to a pacifier thingy, connected to a bottle. It's kind of the philosophical opposite of the bottle sling (which doesn't actually bug me, but I don't think it's necessary).

    Harnesses (I only call them "leashes" if they actually attach to a collar) can be a lifesaver in some situations. I'd have gone insane with an active 2-year-old and fresh c-section incision without one.

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  13. Bottleslingguy here (I can't remember my password or something, so can't log in).

    Hey Storm, for more on something similar to the Pacifeeder check out the History of Bottle Feeding site linked on my website. It's at the bottom of the navigation bar.

    The earliest "Pacifeeder" types come from the Victorian era. They eventually became known as "the Little Murderers" on account they were impossible to clean sufficiently.

    As far as really needing to have my type of bottle sling to feed your baby (I think mine is better than any others, notice the 7 essentials of a quality sling @ my site) is certainly not as important as a safety product like a gate at home or a harness while at the mall.

    It's a quality of life product. It makes a mundane task like holding a nursing bottle better by allowing you to concentrate on interacting with your child with both hands free. One hand holding baby + one hand holding bottle = not good enough. One hand holding baby + one hand to attend to baby = better quality of feeding experience.

    Try rubbing your baby's forehead or feet while bottlefeeding them the old way.

    I think Matt's pooh-poohing (no pun intended) the whole concept as weird is missing the point.

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  14. Loved the list. Must admit I used a wrist leash for my son. We lived near a large amusement park (Magic Mountain in CA) and there was a great kids' section. I had a summer pass and would take him regularly. He was a slippery kid and nearly disconnected my shoulder more than once when I was trying to hold his hand - so I ended up getting the leash. I have no regrets and make no apologies. That said, I think I wouldn't have gotten that harness thing if it had been available.

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  15. You're funny...
    My husband just showed me your blog. I love it..

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  16. Oi, the pic of the baby with the toupee is way scary... It's almost like seeing him / her 80 years into the future...

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  17. I remember one time I saw a woman with her two toddlers on a leash. That thing usually gets me going, but that same day, further up, I saw a woman pushing her dog on a stroller!!! What the hell's happening to the world???

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  18. Good lord, man! Your blog is dangerous.... I've definitely found a new favorite... yes, I've claimed another "friend"

    :)

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  19. My comp.sci. teacher told me about a baby monitor that calls your cell phone if the baby cries. I don't really understand what that solves, but it ensures that parents won't miss more of their precious baby's lives than they have to.

    Speaking of the suspended baby cradle, he said that it was actually really ingenious. The baby kicks, and since it is balanced on a spring, the cradle starts rocking them to sleep.

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  20. When I first glanced at the Tummy Tub, I thought it was a disembodied baby head over a decapitated chihuahua or snake, you know, due to the refraction.

    If ever I have a kid though, I want one of them hick teeth pacifiers.

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  21. Oh, and if you think the Zaky Pillow is creepy, read some of the stuff on the FAQ page. They have odd instructions for overseas fathers:
    "If you must go away for a long period of time, leave a Zaky and a loving note to your partner that says something like: 'I am leaving my hand so our baby feels my touch until I return...'"
    Also, if you scroll to the bottom, you'll notice that, despite its advertised purpose as a sleeping pillow, you're not supposed to leave them unattended. I think the hands would try and smother the kid.

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  22. The leash... oh my God!!

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  23. Overall quite funny!

    I do have to disagree with the baby hammock you have posted. (You called it a pod.) Those are actually supposed to be awesome for babies, good to prevent reflux and stuff and helps them sleep better, and I'm probably going to get one for my baby I'm expecting next month.

    www.ambybaby.com

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  24. I was completely against leashes until I lived in NYC. I think that they are necessary for people who live in urban areas where they walk everywhere. Aside from that, however, they are unneccessary.

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  25. Oh. My. God. :

    http://www.pregnancystore.com/ProudBelly_Pregnancy_Belly_Casting_Kit.htm

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  26. Another reason I personally never want to have children.

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  27. The best quote ever on baby leashes was on an episode of The Simpsons where Homer's half-brother (voiced by Danny DeVito) makes and markets a baby translator and tries to market it at a Baby Convention.

    At the convention, a mother walks by with her toddler on a leash. The toddler babbles something to her mother, and the baby translator spits out, "This leash degrades both of us."

    How true it is.

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  28. when my borther was 2 he felt and skint his knee.... instead of crying like a normal child, my brother got PISSED and started attacking the sidewalk. He slammed his head and face at the thing and tried to bite it...

    My mom had to pickhim up and hold him off the ground while he snarled and squalled tryign to continue to attacking the ground...

    He suuuurrre could have used that helmet there.

    (yes he has had therpy, no it didn't do any good)

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  29. I got a harness for my two year old after he threw himself in the lake for the third time. :|

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  30. those disembodied zombie hands...

    man, i'm gonna have nightmares for years. here comes round 12 of more therapy.

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  31. Anonymous said...

    I got a harness for my two year old after he threw himself in the lake for the third time. :|

    <<<
    Have you tried actually watching your kid?

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  32. good lord... people who advocate so many of these items miss the point, i feel.

    if your child it so stupid and uncontrollable that they run out into traffic or jump into deep water or feel the urge to slip through the bars of the tiger exhibit at the zoo, then you and everyone around you gets to witness the miracle of darwinian theory in action.

    yes, technology can make our lives easier, safer, and generally improved... but it also is responsible for a decline in society's overall intelligence and common sense.

    i generally dislike making huge generalities and sweeping blanket statements, but come on... humanity managed to raise children and keep civilization going for centuries without the aid of leashes or play-skool helmets. introducing such unecessary and idiotic implements to the equasion now only proves that you're a shitty parent who is incapable of raising a properly behaved child.

    try cutting down on the sugar & TV, using stern (but not physical) discipline, and letting the children experience the pain and suffering of boo-boos that come naturally when they don't heed mommy and daddy's sound advice.

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  33. They seem nuts, and yet I might actually use a couple. And not just for amusement; try taking a leak holding a squirming kiddo under your arm.

    Then try this list of [url=http://www.peteys-sotry.blogspot.com]the "best" baby names for 2007[/url].

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  34. My God! How did humanity last 10,000 years without these things?

    Anon at 10:32 is so right.

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  35. Why would someone want their baby to look like Donald Trump?

    As for the male breast feeding....MAJOR ISSUES there! Can you say, Gay!

    And last but not least, the leash. I have 4 children 6, 5, 4, and 2. I have NEVER needed to put my children on a leash. C'mon people, they are human beings not animals. If you actually pay attention to them, there is no need for a leash. Use a stroller morons!

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  36. The hands on that Child in the #1 slot. REALLY remind me of the Hand Monsters in the Legend of Zelda for Nintendo, that attack you and take you back to the beginning of the level....
    remember those ??!
    myspace.com/sharppony

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  37. Have you tried actually watching your kid?

    Jerk.

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  38. The freaky Zelda hands! UGH! I used to like jump and scream when i heard those things coming because they scared me so bad. I had horrible nightmares about those hands coming to pick me up out of bed...too creepy!

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  39. Whoa, that disembodied hand one is freaky creepy. *shiver*

    I had a little leash when I was a baby, but it just went form wrist to wrist so I wouldn't get abducted when my parents took me to the mall.....Those full-blown harnesses are a little weird, though.

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  40. Great list! I must say though, I think the baby toupee is hysterical. I wrote about it during Halloween, it's a great way to have a unique costume for your baby!

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  41. Um, as for the harnesses--has no one else here had their 2 year old dash madly away from them in a parking lot or airport when they're 9 months pregnant and absolutely unable to keep up???
    Also, with all of those oh-so-fabulous inventions, how come no one has yet invented a device to keep the stinkin' pacifier in their mouths when they're sleeping?!

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  42. The leash is probably the most controversial and most unfortunately useful item on the list. It looks stupid and most of the time it is stupid. If your kid gets down on his hands and knees and pretends to be a puppy dog because you put him on a leash, he probably doesn't need it. Yes, I do know kids who have done this. It's usually pretty funny.

    Now, since my kid is handicapped with a pretty non-obvious condition, I rather like the harness. Going through an airport or a busy place where the parents can be easily distracted for the few seconds it takes for the kid to disappear makes it worthwhile to have a harness for the one who likes to run off. There are times when it is a good thing. Most of the time; however, it makes a lot more sense to use a stroller and keep an eagle eye on the kiddo. Still it does have it's place as a useful item.

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  43. The Harness is extremely useful. I once had the task of babysitting a 3 year old and his 1 1/2 year old baby sister at a convention center while their mother sold stuff at a craft convention there. The 3 year old ran off while I was cleaning up a mess the 1 1/2 year old made and it took me over an hour to find him in a crowd of 10,000 people. I would have killed for a leash that day.

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  44. I have to agree that the leash is a necessity. I used to think they were cruel until I found out what it's like having a two year old running around the mall food court while my wife and I try to enjoy our Hagen Daz. Now we just tie him to the table and we don't have to get up off our fat asses anymore. We don't use it at home though. When we've had enough of him, we just give him his Ritalin and stick him in front of the TV.

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  45. I had the baby leash as a kid not only was it humiliating but I still get creeped out seeing them (I am now 24 years old). I have a 3 year old and I can say with conviction the only reason to use this product is lazyness. Keep an eye on your kids and you don't need it.

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  46. toddlers do love to crawl under the toilet stall and get away when they know you can't chase them (because you're going to the bathroom!).

    That thing looks overly complex, I'd be worried about them kicking me, and lots of bathroom stalls have broken/missing hooks.

    I'd say you'd be better off using the harness, no need for two specialized devices. ;)

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  47. When my 1-year-old twin toddlers are a bit older, I will probably get two harnesses (they make cute animal backpacks where the tail is used as a lead as necessary). Many kids are happier on their feet getting some exercise rather than sitting in a stroller during walks and errands. Once my kids are a little faster (but still too young to reliably obey instructions), I won't be able to catch both of them when they run in two different directions (as they invariably do). And I can't hold both of their hands in parking lots while carrying groceries, locking/unlocking the car, etc. It's a logistical issue.

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  48. Well done Mate!

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  49. Rebecca spoke in support of the leash by asking if anyone else "had their 2 year old dash madly away from them in a parking lot or airport when they're 9 months pregnant and absolutely unable to keep up"

    No to sound too cruel, but maybe you should have thought of that sort of a scenario before you squatted down and shot out another rugrat before the first one was grown enough to not require 100% of your attention and time. You know your home life, your income, and your family well before you choose to have a child, so make some smart decisions.

    If you already have a child and you can't afford a nanny and don't have family or friends who are going to help you, maybe it's not time to leave the diaphragm in the medicine cabinet at that point in your life.

    Similarly, Egagen remarked that, "The harness is extremely useful. I once had the task of babysitting a 3 year old and his 1 1/2 year old baby sister at a convention center while their mother sold stuff at a craft convention there." Again, we have a situation where a single person is being tasked with watching over multiple little ones. YOU chose to take on a task that was beyond your capability. You could have either had an additional person help you or told the mother, "I'll take the rammy todler and you can keep this 1½ year old with you."

    A single individual attempting to look after multiple ill-behaved little ones routinely winds up either being a disaster or at the very least causing a scene and making others roll their eyes. Heh... look no further than your local K-Mart or Wal-Mart or other dirtbag store. Inevitably you'll see at least one obese woman pushing a cart full of crap and an assortment of horrid children whose names all rhyme and you can safely bet that at some point during her shopping she'll blurt out, "Damnit, Ronnie, Lonnie, and Donnie! If you bastards don't settle down and behave I ain't gonna bring yous back here no more!" (a cookie for the person who can identify the author of the book i'm referencing there)

    - Anonymous 10:32

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  50. I am thinking about getting the hands to mess with my wife.

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  51. Wow. Some of you are really angry about the "leash" and how parents don't properly care for their children. (And some of you are plain rude - just because someone doesn't have a nanny doesn't make them bad parents, good lord. I don't think the leash is a non-egalitarian-society kind of an issue.) Look. I sounded like that before I had a kid too. But let me tell you something. Sometimes, kids are a lot faster and more unpredictable than you can imagine. If you don't live in a big city, like New York, the leash seems unnecessary. Some children really do outgrow the patience to sit in a stroller, Darwinian theorist. I have a friend who is one of the best mothers I know and her kid won't sit in a stroller anymore. It's not all cut and dry. All kids are different - no matter the amount of sugar and TV they get. My son is active, thankfully, without all of the sugar.

    I will heartily agree that most of this stuff is ridiculous, and I myself bought crap I wish I hadn't, especially since you can't return it once it’s been spit up in. But to expound my point further - Mr. Dinniman says he found his baby swing useful. I didn't. What a waste of cash - my baby hated it. It’s brand new, sitting next to my bed, waiting for me to take it to goodwill. Kids are different. Some kids, in some urban settings, probably can be saved by a "leash". I don't have a kid harness, but let me tell you, what other people think about me won't stop me from getting one if I'm trying to walk down Broadway and my son sees something really interesting fly past him into the street, breaks my handhold ...

    And while I agree that technology has managed to dumb down a lot of our society, humanity has had to adapt to the other parts of technology you’re not considering. Like massive vehicular traffic and yellow cabs flying inches away from sidewalks. I’m sure kids got run over in Rome by the horse and chariot because they had too much vino for breakfast, and I’m not excusing parents who pay more attention to their cell phones and not enough to their kids. Those parents should be punished. There are a lot of good parents out there who care about their children's safety. And more over, don't knock it till you've got kids and can empathize with other parents. If you do have kids and they’re perfect and you’re perfect, bully for you. (If you know people who’ve got their kid vacuuming their house, wearing a toupee, they may have other issues.) And just in case you’re going to get angry and write me back, let me beat you to it: Bite me.

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  52. Had a good laugh over some of the things you've found but, like a few other readers, I have to disagree with the leash/harness comments.
    My three kids have all been 'leashed' at one time or another.The harness is ideal under certain conditions; sale days at the mall, street parades, walking in dangerous situations- ie along a pier and so on.
    Word of advice, buy a neutral coloured harness. A bright pink harness with big sunflower on the front is not ideal for an 18 month old boy :)
    Jimmy. Wellington, New Zealand

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  53. I used to be completely against the leash until I was at Bush Gardens and my 7 year old fell and got hurt. I bent down to help him and my 4 year old dissapeared. I still never got one, but it made me less judgemental about there use. I can see certain situations where the benefit of using on a younger child might out weigh the negatives. Mostly Airports, amusement parks, crowded unfamiliar cities - crowded places like that. Not on a normal walk through the neighborhood though.

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  54. I wrote an essay on leash laws for children a long time ago. If you care enough to put your dog on a leash to keep him from running into traffic, don't you care that much about your own freaking child?

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  55. i like the bathroom stall hanging thing ..... i used to carry a heavy duty cord strap piece of gear for just such situation ....it was a back pack kiddie harness ... that didnt stand by its self .

    and leaning it was too unstable .

    yup ... im a guy

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  56. The best use we had for a tummy tub was for a baby with gas pains. The body position and warmth of the water really help... move things. It's not as sophisticated an concept as a leash discussion, but any parent with a unhappy baby would rather have quiet than philosophy.

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  57. How anyone could think that a stroller is more appropriate than a harness for a young child is beyond me. Do we really want to train people to sit on their behinds from day one? My active kids all preferred their harness because it let them use their legs, and gave them more freedom to explore their enviroment than holding my hand would. And check out nursemaid's elbow for what can happen to kids whose arms get pulled one too many times. Plus it is very handy in the restroom too; never met a toddler who wouldn't squirm under the stalls in a minute. Pfff. A harness is superior to either a stroller or handholding, and shows better parenting. Humanity survived smallpox, whooping cough, scarlet fever and more all these millenia too; doesn't mean I'm going to turn down modern medicine.

    I rather liked the hammock crib too, most of the other stuff seems pretty useless. I also agree that a cashmere diaper cover is silly.

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  58. Not all that funny really. Some of your comments are just rude.

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  59. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be calling babies 'bitch'. Blame the parents...put a posting like 'my parents are idiots' or something like that.

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  60. I have to chime ion on the baby leash as well. My older son was a very early walker and extraordinarily active from day one, and a harness was necessary for his safety- it kept him out of ponds and fountains, INSIDE bathroom stalls, and from getting lost in crowds. I'm sure the snarky poster who prefers zombie children would rather my son had drowned in his version of Darwinism (hey, moron- human adaptability extends to protecting our children with clever gadgets!), but I'll wager that my extremely bright little boy was worth saving from his own curiosity, and will probably be more usefulk to society than Mr Snark.

    I suspect the deal with the harness is that people have a visceral reaction to something that looks like a dog-leash, which I find illogical- the same people have no issue with strollers, which further restrict a child's movement and discourage exercise.

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  61. You've officially been posted to the boards at www.babycenter.com so your traffic is going to keep increasing. I nearly peed my pants reading your commentary on some of these items. Granted, it's pretty easy to make a pregnant woman do that but nonetheless, I got a good giggle.

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  62. The "leash" is just a modern version of "leading strings". See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leading_strings or and especially http://histclo.usanethosting.com/style/skirted/dress/lead.html . I'd bet they have saved more than one child's life by keeping it from darting out into traffic.

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  63. Ok - to add to the leash issue:

    I was on one because my sister and I are 11 months apart (yes, planned that way) and we always wanted to see different things. My mom needed to carry things now and then and you can't do that with two kids holding your hands.

    Next, parking lot driving is much more dangerous just in the last few years. People don't look for cars and cars don't look for people. A (short) leash has saved my daughter's life a couple of times outside Washington, D.C., and I nearly got hit too so it wasn't me not watching her.

    Airports. A child under two can be taken on some airlines with no notice to the company. You just show up with the kid and get on. Imagine an active 18 month old getting away while mom is in the security line being searched and snatched and taken on a plane. You wouldn't even know where to start looking. I had a flight attendent tell me a story where that had happened and she congratulated me on putting up with small minded people who didn't like our leash and were rude about it.

    Obviously, every child is different and not every situation calls for a leash. I only used it until my daughter understood enough to hold my hand and walk to the car when I told her to. Before that she hated holding hands and would sit down (think lead weight) and holler if I tried. Add that to a back problem or carrying something like groceries and there is a need for them.

    I agree it looks funny, but some people should probable use their brains before they write.

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  64. "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be calling babies 'bitch'. Blame the parents...put a posting like 'my parents are idiots' or something like that."

    Maybe you should read it again.

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  65. Did you consider the Pee Pee Tee Pee when making your list?

    http://hipbabygear.com/accessories/forbaby_clothing_peepee_teepee.htm

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  66. "Anonymous said...

    "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be calling babies 'bitch'. Blame the parents...put a posting like 'my parents are idiots' or something like that."

    Maybe you should read it again."

    Yeah, seriously. Read it again. My husband would never call a baby a name; he loves children.

    Now YOU, anonymous, that's another story...

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  67. I laughed so hard, I had an asthma attack!!!

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  68. Eh...some of these things are funny, but I'm not laughing out loud. I'm more overwhelmed at how judgemental you all are. God, can't someone use a baby product they happen to find useful without nosey-body moms snickering and whispering behind their back? Geeze, people, mind your own business!

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  69. Add me to the list of childless adults in favor of young children on leashes. I'd MUCH rather see a young child on a leash and walking around being active than sitting in a stroller cramming its face with calorie-and-sugar laden juice and cookies to keep it from fussing.

    Kids were meant to be active, and as someone else mentioned, such devices have been around since long before strollers.

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  70. Children aren't dogs and if you can't control your child like a human maybe you shouldn't be out in public. I have three active toddlers and I have no problems keeping them under control without damaging their self esteem. It is absolutely degrading and disgusting and I bite my lip every time I see one of those stupid harnesses.

    Mother of two year old triplets

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  71. I wish I had been on a leash as a kid. My five siblings and I are all within 1.5-3 years of each other. When we were little, we always had to have one hand on the stroller. I would have given alot to have ten feet of freedom and both hands.

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  72. Personally, my son would love that vacuum thing, and with indoor dogs, I'd let him use it as much as he wanted!

    No baby leashes or helmets here. We tend to go by the Jeff Foxworthy paradigm which is: "Sure he could pull that TV down on his head--but he'll only do it once!"

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  73. "It's a quality of life product. It makes a mundane task like holding a nursing bottle better by allowing you to concentrate on interacting with your child with both hands free. One hand holding baby + one hand holding bottle = not good enough. One hand holding baby + one hand to attend to baby = better quality of feeding experience."

    Why do I get the feeling that a lot of dads would be using this thing so they could keep both hands on thier PS3 controllers???

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  74. Uh, Mother of two-year-old triplets? Do tell us how you keep your three young toddlers under control at all times "with no problems." Do the four of you walk on sidewalks next to busy streets? Or through parking lots with lots of cars going too quickly with very little visibility? Or do you keep them strapped into a stroller or cart at all times? Please, enlighten us.

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  75. I love the list, its awesome. As for the controversial topic of a harness I would agree to some harness/strap system when you have multiple kids to control, have a hindrance or handicap, or in such places as busy malls, large conventions, large parks, etc. This is a VERY personal issue but I feel people who are so negative about the harness/leash/strap may not have kid(s) or been in a situation that requires the use of one. As a parent I know people who don't have kids tend to be awfully preachy about how things should be with child rearing and how dumb we're making our kids. Don't comment on what you don't have experience with.

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  76. If you don't think a leash is a necessity, you should try having two-year old triplets.

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  77. People have been raising babies for centuries without most of this stuff. I don't want to be a dick, but honestly, do you really need both hands free while you feed your baby? So you can focus more on the feeding experience? It seems more like something a parent would use so they can feel closer to the baby than something the baby needs to feel closer to the parent. If you need to simulate the milk feeding process to feel close to your children, something is missing in the first place.

    Just my two cents.

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  78. To comment about the leash, I helped raise my twin brothers when they were babies/toddlers. One of them is diagnosed with severe ADHD (Don't even get me started on this one). I must say, while they were troublesome at times, I never felt the need for a "leash". Raising kids to respect you and follow the rules is part of being a parent. If you need a leash to keep your kids under control, perhaps it's time to rethink your parenting strategy.

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  79. I think that once more people use leashes the stigma of "omg ur treating him liek a dog!11!one!1" will go away, and there's a lot of advantages to it.
    They can't run away and get lost, they can't run into traffic, they can't be abducted by perverts and if you keep them short in a busy area they can't get in the way of other people.

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  80. My Mom runs a daycare, 7 kids who range in age from 1 to 6. Like all little kids, they have far too much energy. So when she has the time and the weather is nice my Mom takes the daycare kids out to the local park. This was all fun and games until one of the two year old boys discovered a new game- running away from the adults. He'd wait until he knew my Mom was distracted by a fight or scraped knee and he'd bolt for the road, forcing my Mom to take a chance leaving the other 6 kids on the playground while she ran after this little boy trying to keep him for getting run over. After several weeks of fruitless time outs, removal of privileges, and talking about danger without it sinking in, she found the golden tool to keep this little boy from trying to throw himself under a car.

    The leash.

    With the consent of his parents, he had to wear the leash whenever they went out. It kept him away from the road and the other kids were safer too, since my Mom didn't have to leave them to catch him. He eventually outgrew his running phase and the leash got put away but without it, the little cutie might have become roadkill.

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  81. "As for the male breast feeding....MAJOR ISSUES there! Can you say, Gay!"

    Silly me, I thought being gay was about a man loving other men rather than having breast envy.

    Nitwit.

    Calling things "gay" still isn't comedy gold, regardless of what your 12 year olf friends tell you.

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  82. I will leave breast feeding to my wife. What a retarded idea. I don't think it necessarily makes a man homosexual, but the idea itself is pretty queer.

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  83. totally agree...

    man there is some creepy shit out there!

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  84. I'd always laughed at kids and their parents who used the leash until I was put in a position to consider it. Until one day.

    My son and I were at the local Wal-Mart and he took off running through the store. He thought that it was really funny until he thought he was all alone (he wasn't though). He started crying in the middle of the store. Instead of scolding him, I let him continue thinking he was lost for good while... problem solved.

    A life lesson works every time.

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  85. Oh, I loved this and your hilarious commentary!

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  86. I completely guarantee that the child will not grow up gay because it was fed with a bottle sling. Creating a gender identity is far more complicated than that, as is the formation of sexual preference later in life. I'm quite sure the child's environment will rear it to become a good little heterosexual, or at least confine it firmly inside the Closet...

    The only question when considering using a bottle sling is whether the father is comfortable using it, and whether the mother (if we're dealing with a hetero couple) is comfortable with the father using it...

    I can certainly see practical benefits with the sling, as well as benefits in the parent / child bonding process.

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  87. Mother of an active 4-year old. Thinks he's Superman, Batman, Iceman,Waterman, et al. Fights bad guys (with sticks) and throws the occasional 'hi-yah' while walking, if you get my drift.
    Harnesses are not needed if it is possible to 'train' your child early to not walk, run, skip, 'just want to see' something away from you. As a young child, they learn to walk with you.
    Even now, when my son gets in advance it is always with the warning of not going too far.
    They have to be taught to cross the streets as well, so you are warned.

    If a child is particularly energetic in public places then a harness is suitable. But I can't really see myself enjoying anything if my wandering child is tugging, touching things he's not supposed to.

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  88. Holy crap, all these leash comments and not one mention of SNL? The leash is useless -- remember when Mike Myers was on with Nicole Kidman and she gave him chocolate? He got all hyped up and plucked the jungle gym right out of the ground and dragged it down the highway. I think he was wearing a helmet, too.

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  89. The sling bed for an infant is based on what humans have used for centuries in tribal cultures around the world. They are quite comfortable and support the child very well. It's like sleeping in a hammock.

    Some of the safety gear I view as quite useful. There are certain genetic factors that predispose someone to get epilepsy if they receive a head injury. This has been found out in the genetic genome study. I would prefer my young child to wear one of these until they were older and the cranium more fused.

    I also like the idea of the leash. I've suggested it to my daughter on several occasions to keep control of my two youngest grandchildren.

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  90. Baabs, thanks for reminding me of that hilarious SNL skit with the harness and helmet! Now, I'm really laughing my ass off.

    Most you people need to stop being so serious and just get a sense of humor. You'd be a lot happier!

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  91. Well, I have the tummy tub (won it in a contest) and haven't been able to use it very successfully with either of my kids. Looks cool, though.

    And those hand pillows? I'll agree they are creepy. Yes, I will. But I have a very difficult 3 month old, and I've considered buying them more then once.

    I resorted to a hot water bottle, however.

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  92. I don't have children, but I do work in a bookstore where we have a children's department. I can't tell you how many times I have scooped up a random child just wandering around by themselves, only to return him/her to a mother or father who had not yet noticed they are gone.

    Many of these children never even gave a second thought (or struggle) to being picked up and carried away by a complete stranger. What if I had been a kidnapper? What if "that would never happen here" actually happened?

    I agree with the person who argued that if we care enough about our pets to leash them we should care enough about our kids to keep them on some sort of lead.

    For the record, I am 28 years old and was periodically "leashed" as a child while camping because I loved the water and could not be watched every minute while my folks tore down camp. I am perfectly normal and support parents who do what they need to do to prevent accidents or worse.

    In my humble opinion, in the end it isn't about how well mom and dad are watching their kids, it is about not going to funerals or police stations.

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  93. "have three active toddlers and I have no problems keeping them under control without damaging their self esteem."

    Lucky you that you have children who can be 'controlled.' How nice for them.

    Some of us simply prefer to and allow our children some freedom and exercise within the safe limits of a harness. As I seriously doubt you walk down a busy sidewalk with your obedient two year olds strolling alongside, I imagine they're even further restrained by bving strapped into a stroller.

    As for the 'self esteem' remark, that's just ridiculous. A child's self esteem is not hurt by a harness- just as it is not hurt by bedroom doors, playpens, cribs, or any of the countless other devices used by parents top keep our children from doing what comes naturally.

    It only takes ONE incident for a child to receive a fatal or life threatening injury- and no child is perfectly obedient. Children are impulsive by nature and they simply cannot be 'controlled' every minute of the day. Some parents prevent such things by staying home, others with strollers or baby harnesses- that you can judgemental about another parent's safety choice tells me you simply haven't had very much experience as a parent yet- especially if you think you can train your children so well that safety gear will never be necessary. I hope you never receive the rude awakening that line of thining usually leads to!

    Eventually, you will be distracted- and it takes less than a second for a child to dart off after a kitten, an ice cream truck, or the sight of a toy store at the mall.

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  94. "Eventually, you will be distracted- and it takes less than a second for a child to dart off after a kitten, an ice cream truck, or the sight of a toy store at the mall."

    Implying someone's kids are going to get hurt because they don't use a leash.

    Charming.

    For the record, I don't care about leashes either way. But I wasn't leashed and I didn't die chasing after kittens.

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  95. First of all, those items are so funny, I work on an obstretric floor and I see so many funny things that people have for their children but these take the cake!
    Secondly you guys really need to calm down about the whole leash thing. As I tell my patients all babies are different, and some children may need the leash whereas others do not. The key here is not laziness on the part of the parents, but the safety of the child. If that is what you need to keep your child safe then so be it.

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  96. The only Problem I see with most arguements here for the Pro leash side is that they are saying the child will run off. I never ran off. I didn't need a leash. I new not to go into the water when know one was watching. I knew to stay with my parents when we were at the mall
    Why is that?

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  97. Well - what is worse? Putting a leash on your kid or tying them down into a stroller so they can't get out?

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  98. You're so right about the bottle sling. I don't want my son growing up with latent memories of sucking daddy's "booby."

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  99. Wow. This list is VERY amusing... I'll definitely have to keep this in mind when I have children.


    The hands...oh god the hands are the worst. I remember them from Zelda...swooping around you... so funny.

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  100. All this stuff, can you imagine how these kids will try to sleep when they go off to college?

    So the baby pod helps the baby sleep. Will you keep buying bigger and bigger ones because the kid never learned how to sleep in a normal bed?

    As for the daddy wetnurse. I bond quite well with my baby with a bottle. She hasn't complained yet.

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  101. "I wrote an essay on leash laws for children a long time ago. If you care enough to put your dog on a leash to keep him from running into traffic, don't you care that much about your own freaking child?"

    Leash laws are to keep your mutt from biting other people, dogs, etc, not for keeping your dog safe.

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  102. Those hands are so creepy, your comment on them made me LOL. Cashmere diaper covers actually aren't as wierd as they sound, they aren't for disposables they are for cloth diapers. Wool is the best material for diaper covers b/c it is naturally water resistant and very breathable. Cashmere is really soft, so I can see how that would be nice. I plan on using wool diaper covers, I don't know if they are specifically cashmere, but they are super soft wool.

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  103. I grew up in the country, and can definitely sympathize with parents who use harnesses/leashes. You think they're ridiculous, then your toddler separates himself from you somewhere at an amusement park... not so amusing. The hands, though, are definitely creepy. Talk about your repressed memories. I feel sorry for the kid's future spouse, who can't understand why their husband/wife still freaks out when they try to hold them.

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  104. Anonymous said...
    How anyone could think that a stroller is more appropriate than a harness for a young child is beyond me. Do we really want to train people to sit on their behinds from day one? My active kids all preferred their harness because it let them use their legs, and gave them more freedom to explore their enviroment than holding my hand would.


    I have to totally agree with this, not only is a stroller confining and sedentary but what about those infernal car seats? I think you should just attach the leash to your vehicle and let the child run alongside to get his/her daily excercise and you wouldn't have to worry about him/her becoming obese...kill 2 birds with one stone so to speak.

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  105. Remember Westly Allen Dodd? The guy who would kidnap little boys, cut off their penises and perform other atrocities on his victims before killing them? Remember how he was caught? He tried to abduct a boy at a movie theater. I know. I grew up in the town he terrorized.

    The harness isn't necessarily about "poorly behaved children."

    I have 2 boys. I don't have a harness. But I sure as hell am not going to make degrading comments to the parents who use them to try to ensure their children's safety... from themselves or others.

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  106. I agree with Anonymous at 2:48! I don't use a harness, either... But I do understand why someone would. Too many creeps out there preying on our children.

    Hilarious list, though! Best laugh I've had in days!

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  107. My mother had a kind of harness to strap us into her English pram when I and my siblings were toddlers. It also detached and acted sort of as a leash, if necessary. And yes, sometimes it was necessary. Neither I nor my siblings suffered any sort of trauma from it.

    The comments lamenting that "mankind didn't have devices like these for thousands of years and yet has survived" leaves out the fact that, until the 20th century, about 40% of the children born in any given country didn't live to see their fifth birthdays. In some countries, this figure still exists or is even worse (Bangladesh, for example, has atrocious infant mortality rates.)Granted, most of those deaths were or are due to illnesses, but also a large number were caused by accidents. Parents have had a tough time keeping up with children for centuries.

    Just because human beings SURVIVED didn't mean they thrived or lived without debilitating injuries, either.

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  108. God help all of those kids who have to deal with this stuff (thankfully, I didn't.) The last one made me do a double take, also if I was the baby it would scare the hell out of me.

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  109. I'm confused.

    Is our son going to have his penis cut off by some crazed pervert if we don't put him on a leash?

    WTF?

    Matt, your blog is attracting some realllll interesting folks.

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  110. I had my penis cut off once but I was on a leash at the time. But my dad never breastfed me, so I think if you haven't sucked your daddy's teat you're up for a penis cutting.

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  111. The tummy tub actually is a very good invention for babies up to 6 months and maybe a bit older. It has been shown many times that it calms babies down due to its special shape. It makes tem sit in the foetal position like as if in the womb, with walls around it and enough space to move. Furthermore, it is light, non toxic, water saving, keeps the water warm and the walls are transparent so that you can see the baby from all sides.
    One such story there was a mother at her wits end because her baby wouldn't stop crying. After being bathed in the tummy tub, the baby relaxed and stopped crying.
    I think that the Tummy Tub isn't wierd, as it may look bad from our view, but we must do the best for the baby.

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  112. I am 20 years old and while I do not yet have any children, I would like to make a comment about the ongoing debate about leashes.

    Over the summer I worked at the local zoo as a gift shop employee and had the chance to see several versions of the leash. The most popular one was a backpack sort of set up with a short tail acting as a leash. I personally thought it was very cute (and appropriate beign that it was the zoo), especially the lion one.

    In fact, I had several parents ask me if our store sold the backpack leashes. Unfortunately, we didn't.

    I can understand how sometimes it seem unncessary and that yes I did see several parents who did not keep on eye on their little ones (I had to help lost, crying children several times), there are some kids who need leashes in certain situations. I mean, this is a zoo. Wild animals. Need I say more?

    Perhaps the straight out harnesses are a bit over the top, but the cute animal backpack harnesses are very cute and I think the kids might not be so embarassed.

    Just my thoughts.

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  113. There are five children in my family, all within a year or two of each other, and my mother never needed a leash. Mom use to walk with all of us to the library (the route followed a busy 4-lane street), and only one or two kids ever sat in the stroller. We were perfectly behaved. However, all kids arn't the same. there's nurture and there's nature. By nature we were relativley obediant kids. (Can't say the same anymore now that most of us have reached our teens.)

    All kids go through phasses. I went through one in which I wouldn't let anyone take a picture of me unless I was in my princes dress. My brother would chase the post man, barking and on all fours, after watching 101 Dalmations. so kids get it into thier heads to run off. Good parents deal with the situations they're in and consider thier children's saftey above all else. It's not degrading, it's intelligent.

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  114. "I'm confused.

    Is our son going to have his penis cut off by some crazed pervert if we don't put him on a leash?

    WTF?

    Matt, your blog is attracting some realllll interesting folks."

    Yeah, this would be why I said I didn't own one.

    Not sure which is more entertaining, the list and your commentary, or the posters' "debate" about why only crappy-second rate parents dare do anything different than thay would. (I didn't say "do" as I doubt highly that many of them are actually parents.

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  115. How about not putting your baby in a stroller and not putting them on a leash and teaching them to walk like they will when they get older? You should teach them how to behave and not wander off at a young age. Putting a child on a leash will just make them more rebellious when they get older after figuring out that you have been holding them back from what they want on purpose for the first few years of their lives. Strollers are fine and they don't make a baby grow up to be a lazy fatass who just sits around all day. Strollers are just for a baby to rest in and still be able to come with you wherever you are going. Haven't you ever seen a empty stroller with a baby walking beside it? They will get restless in those thing and want out, which is when you unbuckle them or hoever the baby is inside and let them walk around free with you. I live in a pretty populated area and in my life at the mall and at parades and everything, I have probably seen three baby leashes being used. But then I fly to other places and every other parent has their child on one. Is it just me or are people just thinking its better because they see other people doing it, which makes more and more people do it, thinking its the right thing to do? People, just teach your children how to be respectible and behave and yo wont have any problems like that. Teach them that they can be free, but there is a limit to just how free they can be.

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  116. A lot of you leash lovers are going:
    OMG! LEASHES WOULD BE GREAT WITHOUT SOCIAL STIGMA!
    But the fact is, they are a cop-out. Only a fool would use them, i know this by being in a daycare. Most of them can handle not using a leash where i am from. There are 3 options.
    1. Stroll him
    If he gets restless
    2. Walk him
    If he runs into traffic
    3. Leash him.

    That seems like a good compromise, but at the same time it slows down the process. Here's a better one.

    1. Stroll him.
    If he gets restless
    2. Walk him
    If he runs into trafic
    1. Stroll him
    If he complains, give him one more chance
    2. Walk him.


    "but, but they will get run over by the carz in teh city!"
    Well maybe you shouldn't be putting your child in that suituation by living there (BITE!).

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  117. "If you care enough to put your dog on a leash to keep him from running into traffic, don't you care that much about your own freaking child?"

    Last time I checked most people put leashes on dogs so they don't attack people...I don't think two year olds require a leash...

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  118. no one is mentioning the other SNL skit, in which couples enter a party with their 'new' baby and each couple has the hot new must-have baby carrier. I think it culminates in someone walking in with a baby swinging between his legs in a miniature pod/sling thing. looked on youtube for a link, but i must be the oldest internet-using human, as it yields no results.

    oh yeah, two kids, no leash. we just handcuff them in expensive shops.

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  119. The Moffii cradle isn't that much of an oddity if you grew up in Asia.

    I distinctly recall a chequered print cloth cradle that was suspended from the ceiling by a elastic bungee-cord-like rope in my grandparents' home when I was a kid (I'm 24 now, so it really wasn't super long ago). The cradle could 'bounce' gently up and down to soothe a baby to sleep. Maybe it's the laboratory-coat-white and metal fixtures that make the Moffii version look too clinical and conjure images of alien abduction...

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  120. I think the moffii cradle looks really cool. Wouldn't mind one of them myself if I had a baby.

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  121. my mom used a leash on me, she was a young, single parent of 2 at the time. my sister was a baby and i was 2 yrs old, so it was easier to keep track of both of us i guess. the leash was attached at the wrist and looked like a toy bracelet of a dog. it attached to my moms wrist too. which was a better looking leash than a harness leash! haha

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  122. Watching ESPN Saturday morning while reading this baby thing. "Boat Life" segment had a young couple talking about giving their baby a bath aboard their boat. A 5 gallon bucket... I'm sure it was clean, but they kept calling it a "bait-bucket". The kid looked happy and all, but a baby covered in chum ran through my head. (fish on! where's Jr?)
    When I was very young, my parents had a British family stay with us for some kind of Rotary Club event. They had a kid my age leashed. CREEPED ME OUT AT AGE 5!!! I think I'll call my parents and tell them I love them today.

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  123. ""1. Stroll him.
    If he gets restless
    2. Walk him
    If he runs into trafic
    1. Stroll him
    If he complains, give him one more chance
    2. Walk him.""

    ......but if he runs into traffic you might not get a second chance.

    Better a 'leash' or reins as they're called in the UK than a dead or injured child.

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  124. Sorry to go OT, but is anyone else disturbed by the mother who "taught her son a lesson" by leaving him to think that he was abandoned and lost forever in Walmart?!?

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  125. I was just making fun of this list on another site, so I'll cut and paste here....

    1. I'm not sure why they made fun of the baby hammock - i think its great- i would love one. its so natural and apparently makes the baby feel at peace, and in the womb. How strange is it that people are mocking things like that, that are natural and have been used for thousands of years but nobody blinks an eye at these stupid things:

    http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/b5/ec/kifmBaby_EquipmentActivity_and_Play_CentersExersaucersAllEvenflo_UltraSaucer-resized200.jpg

    Personally I think the latter makes a baby look ridiculous. As if the world around them isn't entertaining enough....

    2. Similar to the hammock vs. exersaucer contraptions..

    The leash - this came up on the babywearing board where several good points were brought up. People criticize parents for using a leash, yet have no problems with a toddler being confined for HOURS in a playpen or stroller....What's more 'kid friendly'? At least with a leash they can exercise their legs and explore. Teaching a child to sit still in a stroller for any amount of time is wayyyyy more unnatural.

    3. The Tummy Tub - is actually a godsend. I don't have one, but i might. Its REALLY popular in europe because, once again, its way more natural than slapping your newborn on a hard ceramic cold tub floor, which uses about 1000x more water that won't even touch your baby. And, its more secure for them, so they enjoy it better- like being in the womb.

    4. The hands are actually used in hospitals for premies.

    ----

    I have to ask: how is a leash a 'copout' and a stroller isn't when they are essentially both restraining devices? As i said about, at least with the leash they can explore a little and stretch the legs. Strollers are just unnatural for toddlers - plain and simple.

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  126. sorry the above link didn't work - but search for images of 'ultrasaucer' and thats what I was talking about. Again, how sad that nobody blinks an eye at exersaucers/ultrasaucers but can make fun of a plain hammock.

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  127. Oh no, the AP Police are on your tail, Matt!

    (BTW, I do sling and breastfeed our children; and we co-sleep!)

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  128. When I was young, I had these nightmares about disembodied hands, I would've died if my mother would've gotten me those pillows or whatever.

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  129. Do not critize parents using leashes until you have raised a toddler who screams like you are peeling off her skin by making her sit in a stroller or cart.

    Our daughter (age 25 months) is very active and HATES to sit still. Since she was about 18 months she has absolutely refused to ride in a cart or stroller. Yet, it isn't always possible to allow her free reign to walk along with us so she has been using a leash on and off for several months now.

    At a zoo or park, yes she walks free, in a crowded department store or a busy parking lot, no; it's too dangerous. Used appropriately there is nothing wrong here.

    We have a "leash" system where the harness is a soft plushy stuffed dog that she wears like a back pack. She loves it, it's her friend and his name is Spot. She sees a cart and screams and cries. She sees Spot and gets excited because she knows she gets to walk. Personally, I'd prefer a smiling happy baby any day to a screaming, hysterical one. You learn real fast as parents to pick your battles. This one, in my mind, is a cinch.

    And as for being embarassing or stifling her freedom, that's a crock. It's way more embarassing when she screams and cries in the cart, and she has made the choice, Spot or the cart, so her autonomy is not compromised.

    Lots of parents comment on how cute Spot is and ask where we got it. I think it is important to remember here that not all kids are the same, and no single way of raising them is right or wrong.

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  130. Haha what a bunch of bad parents putting leashes on their kids. You're probably the same people who give kids names like McJayden.

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  131. dude,
    I'm a mom of 4 and just ' bout peed my pants!
    lighten up ladies.

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  132. Anonymous @ 1:23 PM,

    I think I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  133. To the many of you who think the primary role of parents is to train Junior to goosestep next to them, or force them to sit in a stroller all day, That may be your choice, and it's your perogative to do that to YOUR kids, but don't extend your desire to control to other parents. That is more demented than a toupee for babies.

    To Darwin dude; it is the kids with the highest intelligence who are the most curious and the most challenging. Those who can run the furthest, farrest and fastest, need these leashes.the most. Perhas soem of you who hate leashes are just jelous because your own kids are dullheaded bores?

    To both of you: I used a harness because it afforded as much freedom as safety would allow for, and far more than any method of restraint you have suggested, whether it be stroller, hand holding, or the implied, never going mroe than a block from home.

    I didn't care if people criticized my using a leash because it short cut my job of figuriing to how narrow a thinker they were, therefore how worthwhile they were to know. However, never did anyone say anything negative to me or where i could hear, when we used one. Quite the opposite, in fact., People would tell me they always hated the idea, but seeing one actually being used changed their mind - They could see that the kids had MORE mobility than most, and loved it. I only used it appropriately, (when we were in crowds, carrying baggage, etc) but I don;'t think you can ever make assumptions about when it is appropriate if you don't know all the facts. Even something like shopping with multiple kids during flu season or shopping with your child and a buddy, etc. or having certain unseen medical conditions might make one appropriate when it otherwise mght not be.

    The crack about the person who watched two kids at a convention and lost one was way out of line. you never know how much you can handle with kids until you are in the situation. Also, kids change overnight wiht developemental changes, and the one you could predict yesterday may not be predictable today, until you get to know his new patterns. When I am out and see someone struggling with a crisis I stop and help them corral the kids until they get the vomit or tears mopped up or find the one who darted under a clothes rck and disappeared. In ech case, i say "Don't be afaid of a leash - any criticism you get is better than the feeling of losing a child".

    My biggest complaint about leash naysayers is that you are so provencial. Perhaps the reason your only personal experience is with placid children is that you give them no exposure to things of interest. I took mine to many a place most parents would not consider, from birth. Their dad works with museums, so they've always visited ( often backstage)at them. I took them to antique shows where I played I Spy in order to keep them entertained and aware of where they were ( and how to behave there). They went to Disney parks and the Olympics as infants and toddlers. We took them to good restaurants and taught them table manners early. But we made it all interesting - not a control issue.

    I sense the biggest difference between me and those who are afraid of leashes is really a fear of taking kids anywhere. You have not considered airports, let alone the destinations airplanes go,, and how well a leash works into an adventurous lifestyle.

    I spent my first year in a backpack. traveling with my archeologist parents. I STILL remember scraps of that year! When my two were 18 months and 5.5 we went to the Olympics and both of them still remember that. Sure,there were kids at the Olympics in strollers, but they were not interacting with their surroundings. They were NOT being enhanced by the experience, and I doubt it had any meaning for hem. My kids not only rememebr parts of it, but they still trade pns, and have had a passion for different cultures ever since!

    Teaching kids the rules of safety is important,. but it is naive to expect a child to be trained instantly. What do you do in the meantime?

    Some kids are born risk takers. (look up the Kiersey sorter it's a temperament test ). These kids are who become inventors and explorers, and good parenting of them does not mean destroying that- it means teaching them how to take good risks, vs run out int he road bad risks. That takes a lot longer than sit down and shut up authoritarian parenting.

    For those who care to learn more about being great parents, and would rather spend your time doing that than sitting passively in jugement of everyone else, check out The Lemonade Stand - Raising Entrepenurial Children by Emmanual Modu.

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  134. You missed the peepee teepee.

    http://www.cheekymonkey.ca/PPTP.htm

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  135. I have harnessed both of my older children and probably will my youngest once she is old enough to walk on her own.

    I don't feel the need to justify it. It is the way we do things, and my children are happy and that's really what matters.

    I do think the bottle sling is odd. I breastfeed, and 2 out of 3 children never so much as got a bottle of expressed milk, and the one who did, didn't until she was about a year old. My husband has managed to bond with all three children without aping breastfeeding.

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  136. If you think the "leash" is useless for a child then shouldn't it be useless for pets also? I know dogs can be trained as well if not better than some kids. So if you use a leash on your dog does that make you a bad owner cause you can't train your pet to stay close to you or out of the street?

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  137. Wrist leashes are useless, the kids quickly learn to pull them off. I worked in a daycare also, and it was hard work, trying to corral four toddlers on their daily walks without some kind of leash! I was never without one for my first daughter, because she liked to wander. My other kids never needed one.
    But any mother who buys their baby a toupee or buck teeth paci's should be slapped.

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  138. I totally had a leash too, but it only went around my wrist. When I was three I figured out how to take it off, so my parents had to upgrade to a better one. In all fairness, I totally deserved it, lol.

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  139. LOL. I used a leash with all three of my sons. Having them close in age was hard and trying to keep a baby while worrying about a toddler was just too much. Only thing is...I'd never use such a flimsy leash...a "real" dog leash meant for a medium weight dog works best, (wont break as easily). Otherwise the other products do sound absoultely ridiculous.

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  140. Wtf lmao!!! I HAVE TO GET THOSE REDNECK SOOTHER FOR MY KID lmao!!! LMFG!! Where do these people get their ideas???

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  141. Leashes... Every child is different. I had four, the first with ADHD. Never needed a leash until no. 4. The others were co-operative and obedient. Guess I just lucked out with them. I thought it was just that I was a good parent until no. 4.

    No. 4 ran (not "walked") at 8-1/2 months, unfastened car seats, strollers, etc, by himself, refused to go anywhere he didn't want to go, sat down and screamed for 20 minutes when told "No" (particularly in public places), did NOT panic when he ran off and lost sight of me in a store, could not be carried (mastered the art of going totally limp by 6 months!). He was extremely active and very stubborn. Finally I bought a leash.

    That enabled me to shop for groceries without having to hire a babysitter first, allowed me to pay attention to ALL my children while out, not just one. Every outing with them was a chance to teach them things, but not with a little one who had all my attention, while the others suffered.

    The leash was used only when necessary, when he wouldn't co-operate and the things to be done couldn't wait. He was allowed to explore when appropriate. Now, he's in his twenties, and he grew up fine, though he's still a "control freak".

    Children in past centuries were often leashed even at home, not just when out. How else would a busy mother keep her young children from falling into the fire while she was working and couldn't watch them?

    It really comes down to the personality of the child. Some are obedient, while others want to be the boss, and refuse to co-operate.

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  142. I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old and chose to have my girls on my own. Never, never, even though I had C-Sections with both, would I ever put them on a leash and laugh outright at people who do.

    If you cannot control your child now, wait until they are 16. Who is the boss anyway. My kids always listened as there were always consequences.

    leash, bah.

    And I through up in my mouth as well with the Male Lactation thing. Imagine being the child of this? Eeeeww....

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  143. while the items are funny and somewhat useful to some...the comments are what made me laugh the hardest. People get hysterical about the leashes...funny. I like the pod cradle thingy...but couldn't a baby suffocate if it turned the wrong way? Just wondering.

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  144. The JUDGMENTAL attitudes of some here regarding the leashes really made me see red. First of all, I have a hard time believing that so many of you really ARE so fortunate as to have perfectly behaved children who are 100% controllable in any and all situations. If so, whoop-de-doodle for you, but guess what? That does NOT make you superior to those of us whose children are/were untameable bundles of insatiable curiosity and rapacious energy, nor does it make your children superior to ours! To be honest, I am absolutely appalled to see that there are so many people who think this way.
    It just so happens that some children are born with the type of temperament that seeems to COMPEL them to run off at top speed in 10 different directions at once, in any and all kinds of situation. No, not literally, OF COURSE. But take it from someone who raised such a child, it sure can seem that way at times!
    When my daughter was a toddler, we lived for a time in a house where we had to park on the street. When unloading the car after a trip to the store, etc., the LAST thing we did was take her out of her car seat, and we didn’t do that until we were ready to carry her into the house. And believe me, we ALWAYS carried her. If we were foolhardy enough to set her down on the ground, the minute her feet hit the pavement she would be off like a shot, usually headed in the most dangerous direction possible (i.e., the middle of the street). Of course, she eventually did learn not to do this as she grew a little older, but that learning process is not instantaneous. It took TIME.
    On shopping trips to the mall, she HATED riding in her stroller once she learned the "joys" of exploring on her own two feet, and if not restrained, she was capable of dashing off like a streak of lightning and disappearing into a crowd in no time flat. Was this because she was a horrible child or because we were horrible parents? HELL NO. She just happened to be an extremely active, inquisitive, high energy child, because that just happened to be the temperament she was born with.
    Because of this, we used one of the wrist leashes described by other posters. I would actually have loved to use a harness one, because that would have given both her and us more freedom (having your arm strapped to a leash that's conncected to a child's arm does limit the use of that arm more than you might imagine, and it limits the child’s use of her arm as well). But I was very insecure and overly sensitive to the judgments of others in those days and couldn't bring myself to brave the negative attitudes that I knew some people would have toward a child in a harness. I wish I hadn't been such a wimp but I was. Fortunately, the wrist leash did help a great deal, both in terms of keeping her safe, and increasing both our peace of mind and her enjoyment of our mall outings, even though it was not ideal.
    Probably not coincidentally, our daughter was eventually disagnosed with ADHD, and (also not coincidentally, I am sure), she eventually grew up to be a highly intelligent, artistic, and creative young woman. Interestingly enough, she STILL likes to charge off in whatever direction takes her fancy when we go shopping together. It’s a standing joke with us, and we’ve had a lot of good laughs about it.
    And oh yeah, she remembers that wrist leash, and she remembers it FONDLY. So much for the ridiculous theory that using such a device is detrimental to a child's self esteem. HOGWASH. Some of you need to take your holier-than-thou attitudes and go soak your heads, as far as I'm concerned.

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  145. Wow. Somebody's panties are in a bunch.

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  146. I hang my head in shame, because while I'd never buy a baby toupee, we were just at www.pikipimp.com doing the virtual equivalent. My 6 month old looked quite strange with long, layered locks! lol

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  147. Me too with the leash. The first pic I put up on my own blog (family and friends only) just happens to be one of me preventing my 2 year old from running off the roof of St. Mark's Basilica in Venice by holding onto his leash. Now, they don't allow strollers in the basilica at all, so that was out. Should we have left the kids at home with a sitter? (My younger one was 2.5 mo. and I was wearing him in a baby carrier at the time.) Should we all have stayed home? My son is a pretty darned well-behaved child if I do say so myself, but the fact is that 2 year olds will be 2 year olds and will sometimes manage to wriggle away from their parents. I suppose I should have just taken the chance regardless of the fact that the basilica was built before modern construction codes regarding baluster spacing? I guess in order to avoid damaging his self-esteem I should never have given him the opportunity to travel the world at such a young, curious and adventurous stage in his life. Instead of taking him to Venice and letting him watch/ride boats of all shapes and sizes to his heart's content, climbing bell towers and cathedral stairs to get an amazing view over the city and out to the sea, and marvelling over the teeny tiny pieces of stone that make up the giant murals covering the interior of the cathedral, I should have kept him home, safe within our tiny apartment. Or maybe it would have sufficed to keep him continually strapped into a stroller rather than letting him stretch his legs and get the exercise that his wiggly little body craves while at the same time ensuring that he didn't get pushed into the Grand Canal by some German tourist. Every kid is different. Some people have kids who will play it safe rather than indulging their every curious whim. My neighbor thought I was nuts to have cabinet locks and stuff until she watched my son for me (he was a little younger then) while I got my hair cut. She went to the bathroom and came back to find him investigating the unlocked cabinet under her sink where she keeps all her cleaning supplies and other poisons. Her comment to me was, "I was so shocked because my girls never did that!" This woman has four kids and never really needed to worry about those things because her girls, just due to their in-born personality characteristics, didn't get into places they shouldn't. Every family is different. I do what I need to do to keep my kid safe while I'm in the process of teaching him the rules. Don't judge me unless you've taken the time to get to know me AND my kid.

    On a completely different note, as a dentist's wife, I found the redneck binky to be a hilarious gag item, but I hope people aren't using it every day! Egads!

    And last but not least, the guy who went on a vicious, mean-spirited rant about people having kids too close together because we can't pay enough attention to them all and blah, blah, blah, probably never had siblings, and it's probably a good thing as I'm not sure the world needs any more like him. Now let's just hope he never procreates.

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  148. I have both laughed and retched metaphorically during this long read. Some remarks are brilliant in their common sense, while others are

    clearly from people with distorted and damaged perspectives on humanity. As a 40-something father of five chidren, and the youngest three

    within a year or each other, I could render plenty of opinions to the young 'progressive' parents.

    Some items in the list are humorous without changing the norm, as is the redneck binky. Others, such as the baby keeper, appear actually

    useful. Where sense crosses the line, however, is in male breastfeeding. Whether simulated or actual lactation, it is just... wrooooooooong.

    Being able to perform an act does not necessarily suggest it is truly natural or proper. Putting a male nipple in a baby's mouth is about

    as normal as inserting other special appendages where they don't belong.

    I have experienced an enjoyable and active fatherhood without the need for leashes, bottle slings, toddler helmets, and other devices of

    surrogate parenting and responsibility. Yes, we once utilized swing gates at the stairways, plastic fencing across the home theater

    equipment, and the usual plug covers, cabinet latches, and other little home safety gadgets. Yes, I changed countless diapers, fed bottles,

    rocked and sang the kids to sleep, and stimulated their young minds at playtime. I am authoritative or sensitive as the situation demands.

    Never, however, have I thought of myself as anything but a man and father. Guys with kids - remember who and what you are.

    What fun this has been. :-)

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  149. I'll concur with what several others have said, the leash is really no big deal. My mom had a harness for me when I was a toddler. Because, really, a responsible parent would need to hold the toddlers hand 100% of the time and, often, toddlers aren't too cooperative with that idea. The harness ensured I was safe and I felt a lot more free on it than being arm-length from dear mum.

    It's not a matter of how well behaved children are, seeing as there's a significant height difference between toddlers and adults, even a toddler who is right by a parents side can befall danger. A harness is also by no means a substitute for a stroller - children can rest when they are weary and walk about when they are restless. I too am highly annoyed with high-and-mighties saying that using a child harness is essentailly treating your child like an animal. Why don't we just do away with cribs and play pens, then? We wouldn't want them growing up in a cage.

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  150. Good blog, very funny! The commentary below has gotten way too serious though. It just goes to show that people without kids are always the best parents!

    I haven't used a harness for a child but if I did because it became necessary, I'd think it was less degrading to the child than say... abduction, injury or death.

    I love liberals! Don't spank your kids, or harm their self esteem in any way, but feel free to abort them! That strange liberal logic is always good for a chuckle or two!

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  151. How about the "PeePee Tee Pee"? It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

    http://www.amazon.com/Peepee-Teepee-Sprinkling-WeeWee-Trucks/dp/B000GYT7SQ/sr=8-2/qid=1169261752/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/002-0386616-5376044?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products

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  152. Seriously funny post.

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  153. While I am not debating the "leash" issue, I do find it distubing and odd that when I went to the doctor's office last week, a woman had her 2 year old on a leash but was carrying her little dog swaddled in a blanket. I wish I had my camera.

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  154. The leash debate is fantastic. We have a wrist leash for our daughter. It has been demoed with no obvious psychological trauma and travels with us and has not been pressed into service yet. There will be times and places it will be necessary and will be used. The catch will be not making it seem to be a punishment.
    A suggestion to the parents out there with occasional rovers. Try having your child hang on to one of your beltloops, provided they are tall enough, and make it a game. It may sound strange, but it worked with all fifteen grandchildren of my generation. Not fool proof, but if it saves a sitution it is worth it.

    I have a suggestion for anyone who gets an unpleasant comment regarding the leash in public. After the speaker closes their piehole, toss something on the ground and say. "A little kid not on a leash could be swiped or die just as fast and random as that. I know exactly where my kid is." When I saw this done in the Galleria in Buffalo, it was a middle-aged Hispanic woman speaking to an ancient white guy, and she lobbed a half-full Coke.
    $0.02

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  155. Okay, those hands..totally freaky! As for the 'leash'...I don't see nothing wrong with it for the most part. I have one for my daughter, and she likes it when I use it because she's not stuck in a stroller. I dont use it all the time, very rarely actually. I usually use it when we have a bunch of the kids with us, and there's just no way to keep up with them all, or not enough hands to push the strollers. My daughters only 17 months, and she loves it because she can walk like a big girl. But, I wouldn't use it on a day to day basis.

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  156. Wow!! The leash has caused quite a stir...
    I live in Honolulu where drivers dont care about pedestrians, sidewalks are practically part of the road, and there are all kinds of new delights for a toddler to want to RUN off to see.
    I grew up in the country, so I never EVER saw a child on a leash. But since moving here, and almost having a friends three year old hit by a taxi that was pulling up to the sidewalk (the toddler was going to look at something "interesting" on the curb.. who knows), I seriously considered putting my own toddler on a leash. When your heart is in your throat because something outrageously terrible ALMOST happens, prior prejudices fly out the window.

    Hurrah for moms whose children listen well enough to never need a leash... and Hurrah for moms who dont give a crap what other mom's think if They should happen to need them to keep THEIR child safe.

    Besides... exercise and freedom aside (that the leash supposedly provides) how many toddlers would get kidnapped while attached to their mom's wrist? It takes 10 seconds for a toddler to go missing... 10 seconds! Even the most diligent mother can lose 10 seconds (paying the cashier, picking up a fallen toy, searching a shelf for that canned vegetable)

    Give moms a break... each mom knows their child and what is best for that child.. If they dont, child services will be quickly on their doorstep (thanks to busy-body neighbors and better-than-though parents)

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  157. We had a "leash" for our son. One end went around his waist and the other end went around our waist. It was wonderful. Both child and parent had their hands free but we still had control of our son. There are many, many parents out there that should consider this for their child - it's better than them walking along with their hand up in the air (holding your hand) for hours on end - it's no wonder these kids get so kranky.

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  158. Sure people have been raising kids for centuries without the leash. However, cars have only existed for a century. have you seen the statsitics on kids run over by cars? Cars can't stop on a dime when a kid turns around and runs into traffic.

    Now, if we didn't have cars, or the other techno devices that are deadly to kids, we wouldn't need kid leashes.

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  159. ok first that was reallyyyyy funny :)
    and second he wasnt calling the baby a bitch, the baby was saying laugh it up bitch to anyone laughing. and its just a joke chill out it was funny. god.

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  160. I am 29 years old and I still live at home with my dad. Granted I say it is to help him out and take care of him, I digress, I am still at home. I recently came accross a few pics of me as a young child, and I had a brown leather harness/ leash. It may be why I have never left home, and as my dad said, I had to wear it because I was always getting lost. (In fact I got lost 2 times in the same afternoon, at a theme park.)
    So for some parents it may be a good thing to have, but I say be prepared, they may never leave home.

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  161. Lest we forget the atrocities of today's world...

    If wearing a leash will protect my child from even "little" monsters, so be it.... and for all the self-righteous parents who swear their children listen to them... heaven forbid your shild let go for one second and meet two other children, or adults for that matter, such as these:
    Do you remember February 1993 when a young 3 yr. Old was taken from a Shopping mall in Liverpool, NY by two 10-year-old boys? Jamie Bulger walked away from his mother for only a second and Jon Venables took his hand and led him out of the mall with his friend Robert Thompson. They took Jamie on a walk for over 2 and a half miles, along the way stopping every now and again to torture the poor little boy who was crying constantly for his mommy. Finally they stopped at a railway track where they brutally kicked him, threw stones at him, rubbed paint in his eyes and pushed
    Batteries up his anus. It was actually worse than this...
    What these two boys did was so horrendous that Jamie's mother was forbidden to identify his body. They then left his beaten small body on the tracks so a train could run him over to hide the mess they had created. These two boys, even being boys, understood what they did was wrong, hence trying to make it look like an accident.

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  162. my mom is the mother of three including me she never once used a leash or collar and stuipd craddle of paciffer i think the vaculem idea is gay and the baby tub is dumb too (hello its called a sink gosh all moms use it i no my mom did for me) that sling craddle thing was kinda cool but ok seriouly thouse hands were creepy y would u want fake hands harrassing ur baby that would scar them for life also the thing i had the problem with was the...

    man brest feeding ok call me crazy but moobs (aka man boobs) are not for feeding a baby i don't no wat they are for but i can promise u they are not on the human body for ur child to pretend like their father is feeding them brest milk becuse that is or would be wrong on soooooooooooo many different levles! puke my guts out lol :)

    lulu

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  163. Most were pretty funny. The bucket is BIG in Europe and if you read about it has good qualities (it's not a plain "bucket". Some people like them, some don't. The hands, however, were made to be used in NICUs and are GREAT for soothing preemies. Placing your hand on a preemie is often the only touch allowed (we couldn't do more until ours was over a week old). It soothes them and really does keep there stress levels down (as indicated by the many monitors they are hooked up to), which in turn helps them focus on things like regulating temp and breathing. They use to only be available to NICUs but now can be purchased by anyone. I can't see using one at home on a full termer, though. But... some babies DO wake up if you let them go, so I can see it helping with that.

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  164. Hysterical!

    But those that think a harness (or "leash" if you like) is unneccessary just don't have active kids. My oldest has been an escape artist since she was very small, and took off running all the time. I had a difficult time chasing her, with no cartilage in my knees, and her harness kept her safe.

    It always amused me when people would make rude comments, like the woman who yelled at me, outside a busy restaurant, just as HER two year old stepped off teh curb in front of a moving vehicle. I am glad her child wasn't hurt - mine wouldn't have been in the street.

    Besides, Better on a harness than a milk carton!

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  165. I love that people are actually fighting over a JOKE in someone's blog! This is turning out to be funnier than the blog itself! Some of y'all need a sense of humor.

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  166. i've seen a bazillion little kids with them leashes

    and i luv that vacuum i've neva seen it b4 but it'd stop kids from complainin when their parents vacuum in front of the t.v

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  167. I've read through one page of this, and oh my chill. I understand that people might think that leashes are inhumane and cruel, but my brother is an incredibly active child and there are sometimes on walks I would like to have a leash, especially if he sees a puddle in the middle of the road when a car is coming. He is strong for a child and can pry his hands out of mine easy.

    And then there are children who don't need them. Cool. yah I congratulate the parents and think they're lucky for good children. But, it's not going to be every family that has kids like that. And it isn't families either. Bad parenting isn't the lead cause. Curiosity is. Being a child and free is.

    And about someone who said that leash laws were to keep dogs from biting... that would be a muzzle, and not worn by all dogs. First, have you ever before seen a happy little dog walking with a slack leash, not even looking once at people passing by? And yes, there are those with traces of guard and attack-dog blood in them who need a muzzle. So... chill :) cause this was started by someone who only wanted a couple laughs. And leash, no leash, it's life and OTHER PEOPLE'S choices. Don't be a hater.

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  168. That leash saved me from losing my 2 yo when at the airport alone with an 8 mo old, a 2 year old and trying to go through the new security. She was trying to run away constantly, so I pulled it out. I would only use it in very busy places like the airport or the fair where she would try to disappear and i couldn't chase her.

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  169. haha no body knows who I am so I can say that I fucked my brother

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  170. Here is one to add to your list
    http://www.babyproofingplus.com/item6341.htm
    I might be strong but this is just stupid!

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  171. the hand DO seem rather odd,but they really do help preemies..of course,real human contact is the BEST,but if/when someone cant be there,they provide a weight,warmth and smell that are reassuring and healthy.

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  172. Need a scary photo prop for your baby?

    https://www.aprprops.com/acatalog/765_a.jpg

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  173. I don't plan on using a leash for my son, but I have used one for my neice when I was 7 months. Her parents have chosen to use her "developmental disability" as an excuse not to teach her how to behave in public. My SIL and I took a stroll through the neighborhood with our other SIL's daughter,and she absolutely would not hold our hands. She would run ahead to kick every dandelion she found and runs from cars. We chose to stop fighting her and leashed her up. We also agreed that if her parents had taken the time to parent, we wouldn't have had to feel like schmucks.

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  174. You forgot some stuff!

    HEre's this one- the GPS tracker for the inattentive parent:
    http://www.onestepahead.com/product/85215/487760/117.html

    Only $300 and you don't really have to watch your kid outside as closely anymore! woo hoo!


    Oh, and an alarm for the pool
    http://www.onestepahead.com/product/85215/445761/117.html

    yet again, don't watch your kid! Just wait until the alarm goes off, run out, jump in the pool and save the kid! Perfect! Parents can watch soap operas and mind the children outside!

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  175. Andrew Mills2/24/2007 12:57 PM

    The baby crip of mid-evil slavery is one of the wierdest idea's I've ever seen. I'm sure this would be sutible for someone who wants to place there child at the bottom of a well every time they want there baby to be comfortable while they sleep but this is just stupid. If I were that wierd mother on "The Ring" I would buy two, but I'm not, so this product is obviously designed to make the baby feel very much not unlike a freak of nature. This crib really freaked me out.

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  176. I featured your linked to your list on my blog:
    http://ecochildsplay.blogspot.com/2007/02/do-you-need-good-laugh.html

    Thanks for the laugh. What is important with baby products is that people find what works for them.

    http://www.ecochildsplay.com

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  177. Jheri Cravens3/17/2007 12:19 AM

    I was horrified to learn that my daughter, who was raised by a friend of mine, had a leash when she was little. But my daughter recalls being very grateful for the leash that kept her "other mommy" (my friend) from suddenly being gone when my daughter looked around from wherever she (the daughter, not the friend) had wandered off to. She felt that the "mommy," not herself, was the one who was gone and the leash prevented this. This perspective astonished me and caused me to have to rethink my whole (originally extremely negative) response to the idea of my baby having been treated like a dog.

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  178. Great list, very funny!

    The comments about the unease regarding male lactation were interesting to me since it's becoming more and more common for adoptive moms to breastfeed. Might as well get adoptive dads in on it too since seldom can an induced wet nurse make a full supply, despite her new legal status as "mother"

    Then again if you find adoptive parents breastfeeding creepy, then we're on the same page.

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  179. and if you thought reins /leash harness were just for toddlers , you were wrong some disabled people obviously need them for life
    look at www.crelling.com they make harnesses for the disabled and if you open page 24 of there downloadable brochure. I remembered the name and googled it, i have adhd and mum used one of these on me till i was quite old

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  180. My mom used the leash too. You would as well if *you* had twin two year olds.

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  181. We are currently expecting our 6th child. We've never used a leash and never had the need to use one. BTW, they are all 2 yrs or less apart. Yes, we planned it that way!

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  182. Yep, those hands are very freaaky. God only knows what a sleeping baby is going to make of them!

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  183. the hands are used alot in hospitals for sick babies that will be extending their stay at the hospital. More or less a baby that cannot be picked up and a parent cannot stay 24 hours a day.

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  184. The sling bed you called ridiculous in number 9 is actually a lifesaver for parents of babies with reflux/colic. It goes to show that just because something LOOKS silly, it doesn't mean it is. I do have to agree with you on everything else though. I just can't stand to see my beloved lifesaver of a bed called silly when every parent of a difficult sleeper should know about it! Good list otherwise.

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  185. I used a "leash" with my oldest, it was made of leather. My oldest chewed through the damn thing. 'Nuf said.

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  186. Those are the most outrageous baby products that I have ever seen.

    In fact, personally I think that extremely expensive crib is more likely a hazard to a baby's health.

    Visit http://www.babytoytown.com , a great resource for all your baby products needs. Baby Toytown offers and sells a wide range of baby items, from baby furnitures to baby safety accessories.

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  187. the hands are not a ridiculous product! my twin nieces are in the nicu, and thats what they use to let them get a feeling of someone actually being there to touch them, considering we cant hold them! so its actually a great product! everyone should do some research before posting something cvrazy on here!

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  188. Omigod those leashes look so wrong! I expect to see sum1 walking their dog down the park...but ur child?!?!
    and to read that sum1 said they had to get one because their child kept jumping in a lake? LOL? how can a child jump in a lake wen ur there?

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  189. What do you think a stroller is? It's a leash with wheels.

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  190. When I was little I would see something interesting and wander off, and I also was very friendly towards strangers, thus my mum had me on a leash till I was four or five, and I've got no problems with it. I mean, seriously, it's a useful tool to use until your child understands that the world can be a bad place. And personally, I like the little circular crib, where the baby hangs in the hammock part. I would have loved something like that! Oh well.

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  191. Natural Baby Products : Welcome to Natural Baby Products - Dental Care Music , Natural Baby Products, Natural Baby Care, Natural Products

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  192. I almost thought about using the LEASH a few times. But I had this nag in the back of my head that kept telling me that using the same system to contain my dog, to contain my child.. just didnt sound like proper parenting. Glad I didnt use it. And for all of you that do, and are convinced that its 'nessicary' for some reason or another deserve a swift kick in the head. Its called WATCH YOUR CHILDREN, not tie em up so you can go on about your day and get your stuff done. Whats next leaving a food and water bowl out there for them while thier leashed up? And calling it a harness doesnt make it any less of a leash, dogs have harnesses too. Obviously your priorities arent in order. And I say this being a mom with a extreamly active 3 year old.

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  193. Hilarious - had me laughing out loud at my desk!!

    P.S. I rarely use a leash for my dog, he's well-trained and responds to voice commands. I certainly hope I will be able to say the same for my child!

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  194. The wipes warmer is pretty useless and so is the bottle drying rack. The bottle warmer is dumb too if you have a microwave-30 seconds is good for a 6 oz bottle

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  195. Just because some kids don't run off doesn't mean none do. My daughter is well behaved, but she's two not ten, and like most two year olds she chooses what she wants to listen to. Am I a bad parent because my daughter takes off running, no, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm not watching her. How would I have seen her take off running and therefore started chasing her if I wasn't watching her, duh? But all it takes is a split second for her to be hit by a car, fall, or any number of things. I don't personally have a leash, but God sometimes I wish I did. Small children are not capable of deductive reasoning, so they kind of don't understand the whole touch the stove get burned thing. And I'd rather not have my daughter learn what happens when you run out in front of cars the hard way, just because she had a few second head start. Since some of you want to brag about what GREAT (blah, blah) parents you are and how wonderfully cooperative your children are, why don't you also enlighten everyone to what dosage of zanax you give them to help keep them that way.

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  196. Randi-
    My child is not on any meds, and she listens. She muse be a freak of nature then? Or she was taught what no means. They dont have to have deductive reasoning to understand no (and or stay). As for getting a head start and running in front of cars.. a toddler shouldnt be playing near the road. Then you can avoid the getting hit by a car lesson for when they are old enough to understand. Im not an A+ parent, im sure there are many more mom's out there way better than me. But these are the basics, and they are not impossible to do without leashing your children.

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  197. The zaky hands are used for preemies to simulate their parents touch when they can't be there. It helps them regulate their body tempature and breathing. As the mom of a deceased preemie, I'm insulted that you make fun of a product that provides the touch that parents can't provide 24/7.

    Also I used a harness as a child, and I intend to use one on my future children...who wants to walk around with their arm stuck straight up in the air!

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  198. For all of you who think the leashes are so horrible I would have agreed just a few short years and a couple of kids ago but 2 years ago I took my 6 kids while pregnant with #7 across country by myself on an airplane and realized on the way to our destination the stroller was more trouble than it was worth. I ended up holding the baby the whole time through the airport not to mention the pain in the butt it is to get one through security. So my children who were at the time 9,7,6,5,3 & 1 all had to stick together. while on our trip I found the wrist strap because the other "Harness" seemed too k9 related. My 9 held my 3 and my 7 held the 5 and boy did it make my life alittle easier for 1 day in an airport. I don't think they should be used for everyday walking around the block but they are not completely evil for all occasions. We strap them in strollers for their safety. Not because we don't know how to raise our children. Then someone on here says we should be stern and teach them better. How stern should you be with a 1 or 2 yr old? This is when they learn with boundaries not beatings! Being in a stroler all the time is just going to teach them I don't want them to walk because I can push them faster and easier so then they learn it is easier and they don't have to walk not a better situation.

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  199. For those parents who like to think they are better than everyone else because their kids behave/they don't have kids yet, watch what you say. I know a number of people who have made snotty comments about the way other people's kids behaved, and now they have children of their own who don't listen and run off and do whatever they please. My child is not old enough to walk yet, but I think the harness/leash is a good idea (for some not all kids) because I would rather get a few snotty comments from "holier than thou" people, than have to rush a child to the hospital or have to bury the child because she was a child and ran off in a split second.

    For those people who think they are so perfect, careful what you say, it may just come back and but you in the ass. I've seen it happen.

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